The Good Stuff

Well me and my lady had our first big fight
So I drove around until I saw the neon lights
Of a corner bar.
It just seemed right, so I pulled up.
Not a soul around but the old barkeep
Down at the end lookin' half asleep.
And he walked up and said, "What'll it be?"
I said, "The good stuff."

He didn't reach around for the whiskey;
He didn't pour me a beer.
His blue eyes kinda went misty,
He said, "You can't find that here."

"Ummm, OK. Really I could just use a beer and...what the hell man? Are you crying? I just wanted to get drunk! What kind of a bar is this???"

He grabbed a carton of milk and poured a glass
And I smiled and said, "I'll have some of that."

"Fine, I'll drink milk with you if you stop crying!"

I saw a black and white picture and HE caught my stare.
It was a pretty girl with bouffant hair.
He said, "That's my Bonnie,
Taken 'bout a year after we were wed."
He said, "Spent five years in the bottle,
When the cancer took her from me.

Like any good country song, this one rigidly conforms to Country Music's NDBDC Fundamentals (Never Dont Be Dying of Cancer).

He said, "When you get home, she'll start to cry.
When she says 'I'm sorry' say 'So am I'
And look into those eyes so deep in love,
And drink it up.
'Cause that's the good stuff.
That's the good stuff."

"That and heroin."

Also, how the hell do you know she's going to say she's sorry? Kenny Chesney is the one who stormed out of the house to go get drunk. I guess we just have to hope she also learned an ironic, but touching lesson about love at the same time. Like her big Samoan boyfriend came over and told her that "The real big cock is the rooster that crows every morning when you wake up next to the one you truly love. Or something."

Waiting On a Woman

OK, but if I were singing this song, the opening would probably go thusly-

Sittin' on a bench at West Town Mall
He sat down in his overalls and asked me
''You waitin' on a woman?''
I nodded yeah
And then I moved to another bench where random old guys weren't talking to me

I'll unleash it as soon as the Misanthropic Country sub-genre takes off.