Not Tim Lincecum!

In the least surprising baseball news since "Goddam Fucking Yankees Win Another World Series" Tim Lincecum has apparently been caught smoking pot.

Shocking!

According to reports, Lincecum was busted for possession while driving-

An officer approached Lincecum's 2006 Mercedes and smelled marijuana as the pitcher rolled down his window. Schatzel said Lincecum immediately complied with a request to hand over the drug and a marijuana pipe from the car's center console.

For me, the most surprising part of this whole story is that Tim Lincecum drives a 2006 Mercedes. You would think the best left handed pitcher in baseball (to hell with Johann Santana, the dirty, New York-going to traitor) could afford to drive a 2010. I mean, he even did that one commercial, for that one video game.

The best part of the story though is the police spokesman describing how much pot he was caught with-

"It's not really out of the ordinary. It happens every day," Schatzel said of the volume of marijuana Lincecum handed over. "It was about the size of a thumb, the whole thumb."

That is a beautiful description. In every drug bust story from now on, I want the police to use body part comparisons to say how much contraband they seized.

"The FBI today raided an abandoned warehouse in Fresno, breaking up a major drug smuggling operation. A spokesman for the Bureau said they seized "at least sixteen legs of heroin. Whole legs, mind you."

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Now I remember why I hate watching post-season baseball on FOX

While interviewing the Phillies pitching coach, one of the announcers described Game 2 starter Pedro Martinez as a "legitimate guy". So I guess it's good to know there won't be a cardboard cutout on the mound for the Phils tomorrow.

Also, Cliff Lee was described as having a "face dripping with confidence".

Whenever I read about a World Series played in the 50's or so, the games are always described as having been played on a "crisp Autumn day". I long to see a World Series game played in "crisp" weather. I can't remember the last time I saw an East coast game that wasn't dark, cold and rainy. I guess that's what happens when you have a World Series that now wraps up after November elections.

On the plus side, Cliff Lee's insanely nonchalant catch might have been the funniest thing I have ever seen in a baseball game.

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Corollary to the previous post: I am seriously worried about the prospect of the Angels storming back, winning the ALCS and going on to win the World Series. I can barely stand to imagine the tidal wave of schmaltzy, feel good stories that our nations laziest sports writers and commentators have surely been saving up. "An angel was watching over the Angels!" "Everything all better, all wounds healed as Angels win World Series."

Oh God, does Jeanne Zeleasko still work for FOX Sports? I can only imagine what she would cook up during the on field post game interviews. "And as we go back to you guys in the booth, that's not rain falling on the field, it's Nick Adenhart crying tears of joy on his teammates below!"*

I can now think of only three good, viable outcomes for this whole affair.

1. The Yankees win the ALCS, and are swept in the World Series by the Phillies or Dodgers.

2. The Angels come back, beat the Yankees, then win the World Series which would be awesome both for them and Nick Adenhart's family. The media doesn't make a big, fat, hairy deal out of it, and lets the viewer recognize the weight and meaning behind the victory for ourselves because they respect our intelligence.

3. I am suddenly revealed to be the one true heir to all the thrones of Europe, inherit 100 billion dollars and never have to worry about things like baseball ever again.

At this point, I am pretty sure 3 is looking like the most possible of these options.

* I swear to God, she would actually say that shit. And if you've heard her before you know I'm not even exaggerating.

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I question if this actually happened.

So I'm watching the Yankees swarming their way to their first World Series title since 2000, in the process once again making their fans more insufferable than Red Sox fans, and it occurs to me that I'm having a hard time rooting for the Angels to stop them. And through absolutely no fault of their own. Who do I blame? TBS. Who broadcast the Divisional Series between the Angels and Red Sox, and have given us several poignant video packages on Nick Adenhart and the effect he has had on the Angels team.

Adenhart, if you don't know, was a promising young pitcher for the Angels who was killed, along with two others, by a drunk driver earlier in the season. He was just 22 years old. (Incidentally, a fourth passenger in Adenhart's car survived, despite suffering "internal decapitation". Which I believe is the most amazing thing anyone has ever accomplished, ever.) This obviously was a very sad and traumatic experience for the team, as described during one of the Red Sox-Angels games.

During said game, the announcers in the booth threw to one of the sideline reporters who did a quick piece on how the Angels coped with Adenhart's death. He said they came together and realized they had two options. He gave the first option they considered, then the second one. The second was that they could go out and try and win a championship in Adenhart's memory. Unsurprisingly, this was the option they selected. So what was the first option? Apparently, they could go out, "play out the rest of their games, not really caring if they won or lost" and "nobody would blame them for it." Uh, yeah? Really? I am very curious if that's how that team meeting actually went.

Torii Hunter: ....so I think we should just go out there and play, like, whatever. I don't really care if we win or lose.

Jered Weaver: I agree. And I don't think anybody will blame us if we do.

Vlad Guerrero: (something in Spanish)

I mean, yeah I am sure it was very sad and disheartening and all, but did anybody seriously entertain the notion of just packing it in for the year? Or that "nobody would blame them" if they did? A franchise worth half a billion dollars, with a payroll of $113 million, playing in one of the largest media markets in the world, for fans who pay thousands of dollars for season tickets....and nobody would blame them if they just kinda played out the string for the rest of the year?

Seriously, a couple weeks of Juan Rivera slapping listlessly at pitches and Torii Hunter sighing dejectedly and jogging slowly after another line drive into the gap and the Woody Paige's of the world would be ranting and raving about how the Angels need to "cowboy up". And they would be right. And Woody Paige is never right.

So 'eff you TBS. You've made Woody Paige look correct in some alternate baseball universe and you made it hard for me to root against the Yankees. Eff you indeed.

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