Finally, a site on the Internet where somebody complains about things! Usually the fact that criminal justice majors make me cringe.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

The only political post I will ever make on this blog

Like many twenty-somethings I spent the middle portion of this decade obsessed with politics. 9/11, the Iraq war, the Bush presidency in general, the explosion of the blogosphere, they all combined to create a perfect storm of intense political interest for me. Naturally though, after 4-5 years of talk radio, online forum trolling and hitting 'refresh' on Instapundit every 6 minutes, I got a little burned out. By the time McCain/Obama '08 rolled around, my attitude could largely be surmised as "OK, fine, just get it over with."

Not much has changed a year later. I'm largely indifferent to which party is actually in control right now; I've become far too self-centered and focused on my own problems to pay much attention to the bigger picture. Still, I couldn't help but notice this article a few days ago. The gist of it is, hardcore conservative activists (you've probably seen them at those Tea Party thingies everyone's been talking so much about) are planning to primary about a dozen high profile GOP candidates in 2010. All this in the wake of their great success in the NY-23 special election.

That's the race where conservative activists achieved great success when they pushed GOP nominee Dede Scozzafava (who judging from the picture above, I believe is a 19th century British sailor) out of the race. She then went on to endorse the Democratic candidate over the Conservative candidate, leading to the Democrats winning a congressional seat they hadn't even bothered running someone for as recently as 2002. I suppose in American politics, this actually does constitute a smashing success for third parties. They now plan to repeat this tactic across the country.

Now, like so many other disillusioned youths (I'm still young! I'm only 30!) I wouldn't mind seeing third parties become more viable in the US. And it's aught to me if conservatives (or liberals) want to shoot themselves in the foot, electorally. I just can't help but feel like conservatives are going to be slightly disappointed in the end results.

Consider it like this. Let's say you're a die-hard Philadelphia Phillies fan. You're watching your beloved Phils in the World Series against the hated Yankees. And you are deeply disappointed in the performance of Ryan Howard. He's supposed to be the centerpiece of your offense, but he just keeps striking out! What an MVPINO (Most Valuable Player in Name Only). So as a fan, what are your options? Well, I can think of three viable tactics.

1. Call in to every sports talk show you can, demanding Charlie Manuel replace Ryan Howard with a more conservative, I mean better hitter. Write frothing letters to the editor, even editors that have nothing to do with sports. Blog, poorly. Ignore the fact that whoever replaces Howard is unlikely to do any better.
The upside of this is that you get the satisfaction of venting your spleen, without having to do too much work. The downside is that you need plenty of like-minded allies to all do the same, lest you simply be dismissed as a crazy nut. And we all know that if there is one thing we don't stand for in American politics, I mean baseball, it's crazy nuts.

2. Begin a rigorous workout program to get yourself into world-class shape. Campaign the Phillies front office to give you a tryout, then deeply impress them with your raw ability once you get it. Enter the Phillies farm system and through years of hard work, sacrifice and dedication, become the organization's top first base prospect. Get called up to replace Howard in the World Series.
Upside: You've worked within in the system and now you will get the satisfaction of changing it for the better yourself. Not like that lazy, liberal strikeout machine Ryan Howard. Downside: This would be really, really hard. Also, you would need to bend the laws of time to make it happen.

3. The next time Ryan Howard comes to bat, jump onto the field, run into the opposite batters box, and start swinging at every pitch the Yankee pitcher throws. Clearly Howard cannot be trusted to power this team's offense anymore, so take matters into your own hands. Granted, Howard will be so distracted it will probably just make things worse for him, and by extension, better for the Yankees, but somebody has to do something, damnit. Also, I'm not sure why the umpire is allowing this, but ignore that lest my analogy fall completely apart.
The upside: You look so cool to your fellow hardcore Phillies fans. And you sent a message to those fatcat, overpaid, latte-sipping, alleged "All Stars". Hit a home run in every at bat or we will destroy you!
The downside: The Yankees just won the World Series and passed universal health care.

Is this topical? I don't even remember what I was trying to say when I made it.

In summary, the smartest thing for conservatives to do would be to enjoy watching politics on TV, make some trades to strengthen their bench in New England and recognize that you can't castigate someone solely on the small sample size of a single playoff series. I think. I kind of lost the thread of what I was talking about here.

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1 comment:

Jen said...

I'm confused. You're a conservative?

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Paralegal studies and a goldfish attention span are not a good mix.