Now let's talk about excessive force laws...

Castle Doctrine is the legal concept that when in one's own home, you are entitled to use deadly force to resist violent intrusion. Laws vary by state, but there typically has to at least be the presence of the threat of serious danger in order to use that deadly force.

Unless you're some of the people I have class with. Like criminal justice majors.

Instructor: So when is it acceptable to use deadly force in relation to the Castle Doctrine?

CJ Major: When somebody comes into your house without your permission.

Instructor: Soooo....if the neighbor kids throws his ball on your roof, and goes up to get it you could shoot him?

CJ Major: Well....yeah, I mean, you can. It's just frowned upon.

I suppose he's at least half right. Shooting kids who wander on to your property is generally "frowned upon".

_ _ _

I guess it's FOX, if you want to get specific

Just checking the keyword hits from my old, old blog. In between the usual "harold dieterle gay?" and "what noise does nixon make in futurama" hits, I saw this one:

who has a group of cooks shouting yes, chef on the hit show hells kitchen?

I believe you may be thinking of the hit show, Hells Kitchen.

_ _ _

For those times I need cheering up....

If watching a midget in a gorilla suit get dropkicked into a dudes face is wrong, then damn it, I am wrong, wrong, wrong, and I love it.



This video has a horrible, hypnotic hold on me. If I see it once, I have to watch it at least twenty times through. It's a midget! In a gorilla suit! Getting kicked into somebody's face! What could possibly be more enthralling?

_ _ _

Sometimes massage therapy majors make me cringe too

I have a Medical Terminology class I share with students in a number of other majors. (I'm the only law person in it) In this particular class, at the end of the semester you may drop your lowest homework and quiz scores from your final total. Earlier this week, while discussing the upcoming final exam, a Massage Therapy student had this to ask:

Instructor: .....so be sure to be ready for the exam on Tuesday. Questions?

MT Major: When will we pick which quiz and homework score we want dropped?

Instructor: .......Ummmmmmmmm.

It was amazing. He was just utterly gobsmacked. And I didn't even have a fellow paralegal student to exchange patronizing, smug grins with.

_ _ _

I'm just assuming he was a CJ major

Here's a tip for any prospective college students out there, concerning class etiquette. If you're eating a foot long submarine sandwich in the middle of class, and you suddenly drop it on the floor, yell out:

"Aah, goddamn my sandwich."

The placement of the comma is crucial here. Really demand that God condemn your sandwich to an eternity of hellfire and brimstone for the sin of getting dropped on the floor by you. And make sure everybody knows it.

This tip has been brought to you by the CJ Majors I Have Class With Every Goddamn Day.

_ _ _

Yeah, it's a party now!

While listening to the radio today-

"KOOL 108! Playing the songs that make you feel good!

.....

A winters day/ In a deep and dark December...."

_ _ _

Now THAT would be worth advertising

Ad from my Facebook feed-




Sorry there 15th Century Mayan Indian, I don't know why you're looking for me but I can't help you with your conquistador problem.

_ _ _

Look, if it wasn't one, then it's the other

Legal Terminology class. Our instructor passes back a recent quiz, and begins going over the answers, starting with the True/False questions.

Instructor: OK, number one, is true. Number two, is true. Number three, is false. Number four, is false. Number five....

Girl I assume is a CJ major: Wait, wait! Stop! You're going too fast! I can't write down the answers!

_ _ _

Is this topic on the syllabus?

Just to point out that yes, paralegal students sometimes say less than brilliant things during class-

During a discussion on product liability:

Instructor: Now, let's say I go into Best Buy...

Paralegal student: Oooh, good store!

Instructor: Um. Right.

And I don't mean he whispered it under his breath, as though he was so excited by hearing about Best Buy that he had to quickly remind himself how awesome the store was. No, the clear intention was "Hey everybody in class, this is my relevant opinion of Best Buy I'd like to share with you."

Why can't everyone be as flawless as me?

_ _ _

Perhaps I would liketo meet this person

I was posting a link here on Facebook, as I am desperate for attention from my 144 friends. The validating words I had to type in to include the link? "Miss secreter".

_ _ _

Up next, an expert in combing his hair!

I read the term "reality TV expert" the other day, used unironically in an article. I'm not a comedy writer, so I'm not going to try and make some hacky jokes about "How do you get to be a reality TV expert? Watching TV all the time?" jokes, but I do wonder how one gets to be a reality TV expert. Possibly by watching TV all the time?

Expertise on any subject of popular culture seems pretty fleeting to me. Even in sports. I mean, Peter Gammons is synonymous with 'baseball expert' but if you ever read his predictions, he's wrong all the time. Just like pretty much every other sports writer/talking head. Sports aren't like economics or physics, the best you can do is make an educated guess which is usually wrong. If baseball was like physics we'd all be floating off into the sky around the time the Cardinals won the 2006 World Series.

I was wondering if this kind of utter inability to predict the future also applied to "reality TV experts". Since I don't know too many, I turned to the best source I could think of, Television Without Pity. They just happened to have a relevant feature on one of the few reality shows I know anything about, Survivor. In this case, prior to the beginning of the most recent season, they assessed the odds of each individual competitors chances. Let's see how they did.

Brendan
Verdict: Sort of adorable, but his nice-guy attitude won't get him very far... no matter what kind of business savvy he may have. He needs to step it up and be more cutthroat or he'll be out early.
Odds of Winning: 50 to 1

Pretty good start! He wasn't "out early" but he did in fact prove to be insufficiently cutthroat when he let himself get voted out by the, ahem, "Warrior Alliance" while holding a hidden immunity idol. OK, not bad!

Candace
Verdict: This supposedly smart woman brought herself up from the street, got a scholarship to law school, passed the bar and then quit... to become a model. She's not long for this game at all. She'll probably flip-flop alliances and be gone before we can learn her name.
Odds of Winning: 50,000 to 1

And indeed, she was the first one from her tribe voted out. Looking good so far. According to the show she was an attorney, but as the site mentions she's a former beauty queen who quit the lawyer game to become a model. I'd like to point out that TWO other females this season were models (and they didn't even call them something else like waitress, they just called them models). So nearly half the women were "models", and a fourth was a former pop star. It also seems like every year on the The Amazing Race there is always a "model team". I'm guessing casting directors are not so much confused about the workplace makeup of America, and more interested in casting good looking media savvy people. But really, have any of these people ever been the slightest bit interesting? Every season, every show, "I'm beautiful, this food sucks, I've been eliminated".

Carolina
Verdict: She's utterly forgettable and a little too New Age-y for this game. Unless she gets with a strong alliance early on and they carry her through, she'll be gone before the merge.
Odds of Winning: 5,000 to 1

I think she was the first person voted out. Also, it says she's a bartender but I'm willing to bet she's done some "modeling" too.

Surely not a model!

Debbie
Verdict: She deals with teenagers all day, and she looks like she'd fit in on a new season of Real Housewives. She's kind of hysterical and really fun to watch, so we hope she'll go far. We hope she at least makes it until we get to see one of those handsprings.
Odds of Winning: 15 to 1

She did indeed acquit herself pretty well, finishing 6th and doing well in a number of different immunity challenges, winning once. She also became utterly loathed on the Internet, for reasons I'm not totally clear on, aside from close relationship with that one guy (which she belatedly realized was a bad idea) and the sin of having fun at 46, an age at which women should apparently just sit in a corner and knit.

Erinn
Verdict: We're bored of her already. She might stick around a while because people will forget she's there. Even she says she has no stand-out traits (though she tried to spin it as a good thing).
Odds of Winning: 1,000,000 to 1

Screw you Television Without Pity! Erinn was awesome, she finished in 3rd place and was the only one who would call that one guy out on his crap. You have no credibility with me now!

JT
Verdict: Sweetest little Southern boy ever, but there is no way he's gonna make it in this game. He sure will work hard... even though that never gets rewarded.
Odds of Winning: 100 to 1

Other than JT winning the game, never receiving a single vote in Tribal Council, getting every vote at Final Council AND winning the fan-voted $100,000, yeah this one was pretty right on.

Jerry
Verdict: We trust this man with a nuclear power plant, and he's kind of hysterical. We'd sure be afraid to vote him out. He's got all the required skills, just a matter of if the others think he's too big a threat and kick him to the curb.
Odds of Winning: 2 to 1

They probably couldn't have predicted him getting sick, but could they have predicted him pretty much just packing it in and asking to be voted out? Apparently not.

Joe
Verdict: Not especially memorable, which could allow him to fly under the radar, since he seems like he won't piss people off. He'll need to step it up in the end if he wants to win, though.
Odds of Winning: 30 to 1

They successfully predicted him being labeled "boring" failed to predict him being sent home for having a cut on his leg the size of a pencil eraser. (What? That's what I measure things in.)

Sandy
Verdict: She sure is nutty. She spent more of her interview talking about her pets than her kids and grandkids, and she contradicts herself with every other sentence that comes out of her mouth. She doesn't want to be the motherly type, but she does. We wouldn't be surprised if she was the first or second to go.
Odds of Winning: 5,000,000 to 1

I think she was like, 4th to go. At least she was a real person unlike some guy I could think of.

Sierra
Verdict: So if Sugar actually knew how to play this game? You'd probably get Sierra. Though she's still got all the flighty qualities of Sugar, she's got a little more savvy... though people may realize that Sugar-y girls aren't so sweet and be more wary of someone like her this time around.
Odds of Winning: 25 to 1

Model. Not worthy of the hatred she seemed to attract but not possessing of any particular skills or abilities either. Not sure what TWoP saw in her to rank her as that much better a pick than say, Erinn. Ability to cry and beg?

Spencer
Verdict: This young guy talks so fast that just watching him makes us exhausted, and he's already worried if he's going to be too hungry out there (teenage boys do like to eat). He seems determined and eager, but not nearly as underhanded as he needs to be to win.
Odds of Winning: 75 to 1

I guess I have to give them this one. When confronted with the possibility he might get voted out his attitude was pretty much "Maybe you could vote someone else out, but yeah, I probably deserve it."

Stephen
Verdict: His strategy seems to be similar to Ken, in that he's working the nerdy angle and is eager to get other people to do his dirty work. Which might work for a while, but if he starts losing challenges, he'll be gone.
Odds of Winning: 500 to 1

Lost plenty of challenges, including the one he most needed to win and still finished in 2nd overall.

Sydney
Verdict: Pretty blonde girl who doesn't really have a chance in hell.
Odds of Winning: 1,000 to 1

Model. Whatever.

Taj
Verdict: We already think she's got a better shot than last year's "celebrity" Crystal. She's funny and lively, and as long as she's actually able to contribute to the challenges, she'll do well. Especially if she follows the advice from her own book.
Odds of Winning: 7 to 1

I don't know what to make of Taj. She seems nice and she did better than expected but she also was clearly buckling under the stress and took her inevitable betrayal poorly. She also always seemed to be running in last/the first person out in individual challenges. Whatever, she did fine.

Tyson
Verdict: He thinks Jonny Fairplay played an excellent game, though thinks he has an advantage because he's stronger and better-looking. We hate him already. Ugh. How long did Ace and his pomposity last before he got blindsided? That's about how long we give this guy.
Odds of Winning: 100 to 1

Probably not the total jerk he came across as, it seemed like he wanted to play as an acerbic bad boy for the cameras. Lesson learned, if you're going to make yourself a huge threat don't go out of your way to put a giant bullseye on your back. Still, he provided the two best moments of the season, saying he would demand the other tribe call him "Coach" if he wound up with them and receiving the greatest motherfucking blindside in TV history. (I still watch that clip to cheer me up) The other lesson learned? Don't put your trust in a completely delusional moron. Which brings us to...

That guy
Verdict: If he can learn how to play the social aspect of this game, he should be unstoppable in challenges. As long as he makes it past the merge, he can go all the way.
Odds of Winning: 5 to 1

I'm not going to call him by his preferred moniker, because he's not a coach of anything anymore. And I won't call him by his real name, because that's my name damnit.
It's important to note the rest of his entry from this article breathlessly recounts his being attacked by a tiger shark, but makes no mention of butt eating Amazon pygmies. Now, they had him at 5 to 1, and he finished a respectable 5th. He also did fairly well in the individual challenges (after utterly dogging it in every team challenge). Well, except for the ones he opted to quit on or sit out in favor of eating pizza. But there was nothing in his totally non-fraudulent bio that could have predicted that happening, right?

In conclusion, I clearly make a better expert than the so-called "reality TV experts".

_ _ _

It makes you sound more "law talky"

Here's a tip for CJ and paralegal majors alike. When you want to raise a point during a class discussion, it will go roughly 1,700% better if you don't begin it with "Nuh uh".

For example, try:
"Isn't it true that issuing a threat of bodily harm towards someone can constitute assault?"

As opposed to:
"Nuh uh, 'cause this one time my ex was like "Bitch, you crazy" so I charged him with assault and he's still locked up behind that shit."

In unrelated news, one of my favorite CJ majors expressed a preference for going into the State Patrol. Why?
"Because you have to do less training. Well, not less training, but you don't have to do as much."

Later in the class, we (and by 'we' I mean everyone including the instructor) were giving him tips on weaseling out of his inevitable first wrongful shooting. My advice, make sure to put lots of masking tape on the handle of the gun you plant to avoid leaving prints!


_ _ _

You'll never save Grandpa's farm, I mean join the force with that attitude!

Last week I was pretty sure I bombed the Westlaw portion of my Legal Research midterm. Tuesday I was pleasantly surprised to find out I got a 15/20 on it. Combined with my 54/57 on the written and 15/15 on the library portion, I ended up scoring a 91 percent overall. *pats self on back*

Not everyone did as well though. As the ramped up on testosterone and energy drinks Criminal Justice major next to me said to our instructor, while explaining why he left one question blank, "I was looking at that damn thing for like, five minutes, but I knew I wasn't gonna get it, so piss on it." Then he turned around and said the exact same thing to the guy sitting behind him. I imagine he repeated the phrase 5 or 6 more times throughout the day.


_ _ _

That is not what entrapment is

During a class discussion on entrapment-

Instructor: ....and that's why police aren't allowed to...

Criminal Justice Major: You know it's like, entrapment, if the cops wait outside a bar to give people DUI's!

Instructor: Well no, it's not really...

CJM: Yeah it is, because like, they're waiting for you to commit a crime!

Me: But you're going to commit the crime whether they are there or not. That's just smart policing.

CJM: Yeah it is, because like.....they're trapping you.

Me: ....................Yeah, you're probably right.


_ _ _

My unabashed love of Criminal Justice majors

During a discussion on homicide and reasonable self defense-

Instructor: ....so you can only defend yourself in a manner that is appropriate to th-

Ultra-manly CJ major: Dude, it's like, a guy can be raping a girl, and she could fight back, and like scratch his eye, and blind him, and he could totally sue her for that! It's so messed up!

Class: .........

Me: Nnnnooooooooo....

(Although as my instructor is fond of saying, anybody can sue anyone at any time for anything. It's just a question of whether they would win or not. I'm assuming this guy meant the rapist would win that case. Also, this is not the same guy who asked about someone raping his wife when he only paid to have her beat up. Apparently all the CJ majors are just really rape-happy.)

Yeah, what if?

During a discussion on criminal conspiracies, the culpability of accomplices and the like, the following exchange took place.

Instructor: So if you hire someone to rob a bank and provide a gun for them to do so, and in the process they kill a guard, you could be found guilty of murder, even though you weren't there because....

Guy who sits at the back of the room: *hand shoots up* What if I hire someone to beat up my wife and he rapes her instead?

Class: ..........

Me: Yeah, what if that happens?

Floor plan by Timmy, age 6

Not so sure if I'll be checking in to this particular apartment, as among other things, there definitely appears to be something wrong with the kitchen. The stove (I think) is collapsing in on itself, the cabinet(?) next to is bulging out, and whatever the hell it is that's next to that seems to be rolling it's eyes in exasperation at the whole affair.

Also the toilet has a tumor.

Also

Note to the below: I've clearly been at this too long because I just looked at a complex on the map called Lexington Gardens and I read it, like three times, as Sexington Gardens.
I was pretty ready to break my lease.

I guess maybe they just wander around the halls and everybody can pet them?

I'm apartment hunting for a possible, theoretical move to the Twin Cities area. One apartment complex I looked at lists this under it's 'amenities' section.

-Cat Friendly Community Pets

What exactly am I to take from that?

Just once

Not every time, but once, I would like to look up something in my medical dictionary and not pass by the entry (with full color photo of course) for 'prolapsed hemorrhoids'.

Also, I just wanted to look up 'coagulants'. Was it really necessary to include a photo of the possible worst case negative symptoms they could have specifically on the human wang?

Finally, why is that every time the instructor brings up a term like 'colostomy' someone has to not only define it but keep talking about it way past the point of necessity? I was going to say it's always a non-trad student but fuck, I just remembered I'm a non-trad student now. So all the kids in my classes probably hate. At least in my case it's because I blow the curve on all the tests and not because I constantly relate every topic in class to lengthy stories on the stresses of picking up my kids from school.

The goggles do nothing!

While planning my path to a paralegal degree, I figured that branching out into multiple related fields would help my future employment prospects. For example, taking certain medical classes might aid me when dealing with cases involving say, worker compensations suits.

What I had forgotten was an unceasing tomb of horror a medical dictionary can be. I'll just be doing a little homework, happily leafing through it, looking for information on electrocardiograms and suddenly HELLO I AM A FULL COLOR HALF PAGE PICTURE OF AN INFLAMED PUS FILLED VAGINA.

"Hello" I say back to it. "Say, would you like my sex drive? I shan't be needing it anymore."

Facebook is getting too personal

From an (apparently urgent)Facebook notification I received this morning. Name of friend has been anagram-ized for the protection of the possibly innocent.

"Crayon Merman compared some friends for Tools. Check out your result!"

The Will You Be Here Tomorrow? Companion Reader

If you enjoyed those charming Canadian PSA's of people falling through display cases and scalding themselves in hot oil, you'll love Will You Be Here Tomorrow? Read along with me as we explore the horrors of work safety circa 1977.



0:10 This music is pretty chipper for a company who's logo is guy with a broken arm, broken leg and a face that appears to have been smoothed off in a belt sander.

0:13 Copyright 1998??? Really? Because it looks to me like the cast of an 80's sitcom reminiscing over the times when they weren't constantly being slaughtered by improbable industrial accidents.

0:34 I guess this guy didn't think about what could happen if he stood right in a garbage compactor.

0:50 Warning: Stacking a ladder on top of a bunch of wooden pallets for an extra eight inches of lift may result in crash test dummies falling from the sky.

0:58 They don't show you the other part of that incident, where the canister Mr. Beard casually threw over the side landed on the head of a passing orphan.

1:04 You're looking awful smug about pounding in that nail there guy. I hope your hubris doesn't catch up with in a...

1:10 ....horribly improbable nail in the eye. OK, it just did. (However, that scene desperately needed an escalating crane shot while he fell to his knees and screamed "Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy???"

1:25 Wait, where those two vignettes supposed to be related? Or was the moral of the second one "Don't be caught in random, out-of-nowhere explosions, dumbass"?

1:35 OK, there are undiscovered tribes of Amazon rain forest pygmies that know more about manufacturing than me, but if you asked "Is it a good idea to calibrate a lathe while it's spinning?" I would say "No, probably not, I guess. Are you retarded, I think? Maybe?"

1:45 The sleeve on my favorite shirt is ruined!

1:51 The driver is looking right at her! He's smiling about it, the sick son of a bitch!

2:15 HOLY SHIT, awesome move guy! And don't feel bad about the aftermath, not too many people would be willing to take a Death Rocket to the face for their boss. (Plus, if he had time to take his glasses off in between seeing the rocket and getting hit with it, he had time to get out of the damned way.)

2:36 Look at the way this guy is constantly looking around. 23 years in this factory has taught him that at any moment a lion might drive a steamroller through a wall and knock him into the vat of exploding rusty nails.

2:43 "If you come to this job at all, you're gonna get hurt. And by hurt I mean vivisected."

2:58 Who the hell was that guy at the beginning and what was that switch he threw? Notice how they didn't show his face. I'm beginning to be suspicious of just how accidental these "accidents" are. And remember, when a coworker is injured on the job, the first thing you should do is shake their neck vigorously to wake them up.

3:05 OK, watch the forklift driver here. "Wheeeeeeeeee!"

3:18 Chill out, I'm sure you can pick up some overtime cleaning up the blood around here. It must be up to your ankles by now.

3:27 Oh, that was your own fault for putting your hand back in there!

3:32 "But I did get these great prosthetic maimed fingers!"

3:35 I love that it suddenly throws to a kicky steel drum musical montage. "'Ey mon! True rasta no exceed recommended weight allowance while making tight turns, jah seen?"

3:59 Aaah! A caveman! Seriously, his face is like a black hole, no light escapes it. Don't worry though old man, I'm pretty sure nobody can get comfortable around that place.

4:12 8 years huh? I bet he's still got a majority of his original limbs, the cocky bastard.

4:30 And ultimately, we come full circle as the Random Factory is blown up by a guy welding. You just know this place had to be in some jerk-off small town in Maine and all the pieces of equipment were possessed by cosmic beings of unspeakable doom from another dimension and the souls of condemned killers. If you get my drift.

See, this is why I left the violently dangerous cooking industry and went into paralegal. Though knowing my luck, my first day on the job I'll staple my eyeball to a bear.

Keyword Olio

Much like the pubic hairs in my bathroom sink drain, search terms accumulate over the span of a couple months, and I'm not really sure why they're there. Let's take a look. (At the keywords, not the pubic hair.)

love your baby girl lyrics analysis "remember what your knees are for"
Don't get excited, she's just praying. Maybe praying she doesn't have to give too many more blowjobs to get ahead in Nashville, but still praying.

meaning of the song we rode in trucks
In the past, we traveled in trucks.

sitting on a bench in west town mall he sat down in his overalls and asked me
I assume this person was trying to find the name of the song "Waiting on a Woman", but given that ought to be really easy to discern from even a casual listening, I'd like to think there is something entirely different going on here. Like this guy was sitting at the mall when an old man sat down next to him and asked him if this boil looked infected. And he wasn't sure how to handle the situation so he tried Googling it but got grossed out halfway through and quit. Yeah, that would be better.

tim mcgraw songs cancer bullet for the kids
I might take a bullet for the kids, but a cancer bullet? I don't know.

country song about meeting in a bar and cancer
Your search has returned 650,000,000 results.

country song about losing virginity in a car under the stars
Is prom season coming up? Because I gotta tell you, that probably won't work as mood music.

hoho blah blah george strait
Pretty much my reaction to him too.

country song redone by british
Goddam limeys. Not enough they tax our tea, but now they're covering David Allen Coe? I bet it will come out all moody and atonal. And when one of the characters dies of cancer everyone will just act slightly put out and make droll observations.

for your country precious child take a bullet

Hmmm, if we were just to rearrange and add in a bit of punctuation-

take a bullet for your country, precious child!

Now that's a song I'd like to hear!

where is the west town mall mentioned in brad paisley's song
Tip: Now that the filming of his video is over, Brad Paisley is rarely found on benches in West Town Mall.

I'm a hot little number in my pick-up truck,daddy's sweet money dun jacked it up!
I believe you, you don't have to yell!

fat man in overalls singing a country song

Him?

Back again, naturally

I've moved my dozens of posts from my last blog here, and I gotta say, I am loving the stripped down Fire Joe Morgan style layout. Now to see if I will actually use this one.

Title refers to the fact that every major event of my adult life seems to have happened ten years before I was ready for it.

Motivational Posters

Since I like to stay on the cutting edge of Internet fashion, enjoy my personal entry into this particular wretched meme.

Keyword mania

I don't have thousands of readers. Surprise! I don't have hundreds, or even dozens of readers. Most days, I have "ones" of readers. That's OK though, considering I mainly started this blog as I can't go without outlet for complaining and the people at work were probably getting sick of hearing me piss and moan every time a new song comes on the radio.

But despite my low profile, people still occasionally stumble upon this place via search engines, as criticism of country music on the Internet apparently remains a surprisingly small niche.

With that, here's a few of the keywords people have used to (presumably) end up here.

josh turner asshole

A couple possibilities here. Firstly, I don't know Josh Turner. He might be a very nice man. I just know a couple of his songs really irritate me and the ones that don't generally put me to sleep. Still, that's not enough for me to indulge in calling him an asshole, I'm afraid.
If you were looking for anything else, I really can't help you.

taylor swift is ruining country

I can't stand any of her songs, but even I think that's going just a bit overboard. Let's curb our national love of buying on credit and our addiction to foreign oil, then we can see about deporting Taylor Swift.

carrie underwood before he cheats protagonist is psycho

Hell yeah! I'm not the only one who thinks so!

alan jackson one hand feel on the steering wheel song

No way, did somebody seriously mistake Taylor Swift for Alan Jackson?? Oh, that would pretty much be the best thing ever. I haven't been able to take Alan Jackson seriously for oh, about seven and a half years now.

taylor swift song, idiotic, scarlet letter?

I certainly think so. This person said it much better than I can though. Yup, apparently Taylor Swift is the village bicycle.

And now we're done.

Lookin' For A Good Time, Redux

I already hit on this one before, but something odd struck me the other day. Since the song is pretty much a straight-up prelude to random sex, it makes sense that it includes the following lines-

I sure love this conversation
The band is good, the music's loud
But would you get the wrong impression
If I called us a cab right now

But I noticed something. Listening to the song on 98.9 FM Wild Country, that verse gets changed just a little bit.

But would you get the wrong impression
If I asked you to dance right now?

Apparently the idea of two strangers meeting in bar and running off to hump becomes just a bit too salacious for ahem, "Wild Country" if you make mention of how said strangers intend to get home. I mean, I could see it if the line in question was instead "Would you get the wrong impression/ if I did a few Jag Bombs and a line of blow, then drove us home". But come on! They're being responsible. About that part of things at least.

Responding to the critics...or critic

This blog has received it's first hatemail! Or, hatecomment...or whatever you would call it. The point is, I'm finally doing some good, getting some attention, really rattling some cages down in Nashville. Or at least, rural Oregon in this case.

From my entry on Kristy Lee Cook's execrable 15 Minutes of Shame, I received this note from 'Larry' (Possibly Sony Music Nashville Vice President Larry Jacobs? I think maybe so!)

this song did make to top 40 charts, qndf is a great song.. I liked others on the album better, but whoever wrote this blog has no cloue about talent or music. Go back to sweeping floors. I am so sick of nobody's who have nothing good to say about anyone. Get a life.

First off, I will admit a certain confusion as to why someone would defend this song, as opposed to one of the other couple dozen I've mentioned thus far, some of which are legitimately popular, and the products of actual musicians. I mean, I really was under the impression that this song was some sort of exercise in mutual obligation between Arista Nashville and popular culture? Anyway, let me break down this complaint a little.

this song did make to top 40 charts

And Ice, Ice Baby was one of the biggest hits of the 90's, but we still all pretend we never liked it.

qndf

"Sorry, fell on my keyboard there for a second."

I liked others on the album better

I don't doubt there were 'better' songs on the album. That wouldn't be a particularly high hurdle to clear.

but whoever wrote this blog has no cloue about talent or music.

Really? You can listen to 15 Minutes of Shame and think "Yeah! This really does comes close to being in the neighborhood of the best music Nashville can and does put out!" Really? You're cool with someone this useless having a major career in country music? We really don't deserve any better?

Go back to sweeping floors.

Sweeping floors is not only a vital part of the economy, keeping our nations walkways orderly and debris-free, but it affords me ample opportunity to listen to country music. So thank you, I will go back to sweeping floors now!

I am so sick of nobody's who have nothing good to say about anyone.

Oh, I do believe I said Waiting on a Woman was "fine, whatever". Also, welcome to the Internet.

Get a life.

Duh, I have a life, it's called listening to this shit while I sweep floors.

Now we're done!

She's Country

She's a hot little number in her pick-up truck
Daddy's sweet money done jacked it up

That's amazing. Sixteen words into the song, and I already virulently hate the protagonist. Still, I'm not entirely sold on her representing the worst aspects of this country, maybe if we mentioned something about her being a drunken slut with no moral compass?

A hell raisin sugar when the sun goes down
mama taught her how to rip up the town

Close enough. OK, now how about a verse where she denies voting rights to minorities?

No? Alright, maybe next album. Till then, why not just throw out some random made up phrases to connect a couple of verses without losing your beat?

crazy mother trucker
undercover lover

Cool.